twas the night before christmas
by deprived
Summary: zim thinks santa is going to suck his brains out


brain **twas the night before christmas** by blink(aka deprived)   
page/[doom][1]

Something is wrong with me...and I blame Vasquez...I keep getting this weird ideas for stories and If I don't write them down I have strange dreams involving me,Porky Pig,and a huge hunk of cheese...This story came about partly because of that but mostly it sprang from my desire for revenge against Santa Clause,for that guillotine he didn't bring me when I was seven,and that embalming fluid he didn't get me when I was eleven,and that strawberry shortcake doll he didn't bring me when I was thirteen, and the..... 

Zim walked to skool one frigid December morning.He noticed that some weird decorations had appeared on the skool building.When he walked inside he saw that there were decorations on every classroom door but his. 

He stopped before entering "Could this beeeee....somesortofwormbabytrap?" He stood still and cocked his head to the side."Nah....these humans have neither the intelligence nor the bravery to trap an invader such as I!" He laughed and walked inside. 

After all the children were seated Ms. Bitters stood up."Children.....I know that Christmas is a week away but I will not allow any sort of celebrating here.No parties,no singing,no laughing,and especially no smiling. There will be no signs of joy whatsoever.Is that clear?" she asked. "Yes Ms.Bitters" she nodded and sat down. 

Zim stared at his desk with a confused look on his face."What in the world could this Christtttmaaaas be?" he asked himself. 

"So....Ziiiimmmm yet another thing you don't have on your planet...." Dib sneered at him."Well I am going to explain it to you.Christmas is when a big fat guy in a red suit named Santa Clause visits every human child on earth.He checks to see if they are a human or an alien.If they are human,he gives them presents,if they are alien he SUCKS THEIR BRAINS OUT!AHAHAHAHAHA!" Dib laughed until tears came to his eyes. 

"I hear laughter" Ms. Bitters barked.Dib shut up and sat back with a satisfied look on his face.Zim had gone pale...well he had gone as pale as green skin allows for.He started to shake and all he could think about was Santa Clause.Dib's words were running through his brain over and over again."I must stop this fiend...I must stop this _Santa Clause_." he whispered to himself. 

Zim walked home from skool with Dib taunting him."Wonder what you'll look like with your brain sucked out Zim?I hope I get to keep your foot...I'll put it up on my mantle.Hahaha" "Shut up Dib!Just SHUT up! Since I am a human I have nothing to fear from this....Santa Clause." Zim said,slamming the door in Dib's face. 

Gir was sitting on the couch,watching a soap opera and eating chips."Gir!Quickly!Come with me!We don't have much time....till he comes.We must find his weakness!" "Who is he master?" Gir asked."It's _Santa Clause_. He's a big fat BRAIN SUCKING monster." "Ooooohhhh!I like brains!" Gir said,jumping up and down.Zim growled at him and left. 

Over the next week he checked out books and rented movies about Santa Clause.He stayed home and poured over everything he could find.The day before Christmas Eve he was sitting in his lair reading 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'.After reading it he stood up and raised his right arm,pointing at the sky."I have it!I know what his weakness is!My doom will fall upon his fat head!" he yelled."What is it master? Porky Pig?" Gir asked."No Gir.It's milk and......cookies. Muhahahahaha... HAHAHAH....ouch.." Zim clutched his side and sat down. 

Zim worked all night on his Santa trap and on Christmas Eve he sat in his living room,waiting.He had built a huge chimney in the middle of it.Zim sat and waited and waited and waited.He started to drift of and he went to sleep.He awoke to a loud crash.He looked up and saw that he had caught Santa.The big fat guy was trapped in a cage. "Yesssssss!I did it!I caaaaauuuuuught Santa......I caaaaauuuught Santa." Zim said.He walked up to the cage and glared at Santa."So!You thought you'd just come to my house and suck my brains out did you?Well I am much smarter than you!And now I will suck your brains out!" he said.Santa's face turned an angry shade of red and he reached for the bars of his cage.An electric shock went through him and he was knocked out.Zim cackled."Stupid human!Come Gir!Let's get him to the dissection table!" Zim and Gir dragged him off. 

The next day Zim was sitting with Gir on his couch.He was wearing Santa's red hat.A newscaster came on the television and said "Breaking News!Santa Clause has disappeared!His elves say they have not seen or heard from him in twenty four hours.Children all over the world report that they haven't received their Christmas presents.We will keep reporting on this tragedy as more information comes to light." Zim laughed and jingled the bells on his new hat."We wish you a merry Christmas.......We wish you a merry Christmas.......We wish you a merry Christmas.......and a HAPPY NEW YEAR."he sang.Gir sang along "Won't you take me to...funky town?Won't you take me to fuunnky tooownnnn?". 

**End**

   [1]: http://www.envy.nu/invader/



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